Dancing with a partner can seem so complicated, so intricate, so HARD. The stylised TV shows of media personalities in dancing competitions paints a skewed picture of what its actually like.
Its actually quite simple to learn, especially for the follower in the dance. Usually its a woman following, and generally, a man leads the dance. Leading, especially at first is a bit harder work than following though!
I want to share the 1 cue that will help women focus on what matters most when following a lead. It will help men see what cue to be aware of to make dances more fun for both their partner and themselves.
A Little Background
I dance for fun, socially. When partner dancing, I dance mostly latin styles like salsa, meringue and bacchata. Its been 7 years since my first salsa dance at a barn dance in the Costa Rican countryside, and almost as long since my first salsa class. I am definitely not a technically brilliant dancer, nor am I flashy. But I do know how to lead, so that the follower gets the cues she needs to feel good, even if she claims to not know how to dance salsa/with a parter/etc.
In my teens, I was far from confident on any dancefloor. I am glad to say that learning to dance without judging myself has freed me to enjoy social dancing a lot lot more.
Ok, enough about me, onward.
I will refer to the follower in a dance as “she”, and the lead as “he”.
For a woman who has never felt confident in partner dancing, her reward is to feel amazed at how quickly she can follow a simple lead.
As a lead, I always feel great knowing I have helped someone feel more capable in their abilities. Its a real buzz!
So he asks her to dance, and she agrees. They walk to the dancefloor, hold hands, right hand holding the other person’s left hand, and vice versa… then what?
The follower looks for cues from the lead as to how to move.
When a woman has never partner danced before, and/or feels less than confident in her dancing skills, she will, in most cases, attempt to follow the mans feet.
I say attempt as this is very hard to do. Mostly because she does not know the steps (nor does she need to, especially at first). Trying to match the man’s steps, at the full speed of the song, is often near impossible!
The cues being offered by the lead’s footwork would seem unpredictable, and often impossible to think through. This makes her analytical and hesitant about what she should be doing, rather than just dancing and following a much simpler cue.
The 1st Cue to Follow
The latin dancing I have done, and it seems, other partner dancing, all have various steps to learn. Its important for a lead to learn these (though he can just improv his own steps in the beginning).
Its not important at all for the follower to learn the steps at first.
Regardless of the fancy footwork, one thing that all partner dancing has in common is hand holding. To lead simply and effectively, lead with your hands.
Thats it. Lead using your hand movements to guide her.
Keep hand movements as relaxed, certain and consistent as possible. Sudden and rushed never work as well. This comes with practice and having fun.
The Behaviours that Follow
Cue: he moves his left hand forward (and also steps forward on his left foot, though she does not focus on that). Behaviour: through the push she feels on her right hand, she steps back with her right foot.
Cue: he pulls his right hand back (and steps back with his right foot). Behaviour: through the pull she feels on her left hand, she steps forward with her left foot.
Cue: he raises his left hand up and spins it in a small circle anticlockwise. Behaviour: she spins in the same direction as the pull she feels on her right hand.
When even a first timer is looking for cues from her lead’s hands, and not his feet, she responds with a lot less effort, and a lot more fun.
Men need to lead a partner dance, which means part of the deal is we have to do all the “thinking”. Anyone with some dancing experience can tell you the thinking becomes second nature and eventually does not feel like thinking at all.
Pick the important cues to focus on
Its not just in partner dancing that being aware of the important cues can help. Every behaviour and habit in all aspects of life are triggered by a cue (or combination of them)… most of these unconscious.
Thats perfect for almost all behaviours we have, but to change existing or start doing new behaviours, identifying the most important cue is vital.
With behaviour, simplicity always wins
Some experienced and technical female dancers will give me some tough love once in a while. They say things like my hips do not move loose enough, or its my shoulders, etc. While I appreciate the feedback, I’m only dancing for fun.
To dance for fun, simplicity always wins.
By Tsung Xu